Charm. Fake it ‘til you make it.

Charm. Fake it ‘til you make it.

CharmThe allure of charm cannot be overstated. A charming man makes a woman swoon and a charming woman makes a man feel like he’s the only person in a room. Charm is all about attraction; it’s about our ability to attract others with our personalities (and not our looks). Charm is disarming; it breaks down barriers in awkward social and work situations, and in dating situations – has the ability to put others at ease. Charm makes people feel warm, welcomed and respected. There’s nothing cunning or subversive about real charm; for it is a reflection of a person’s social and emotional intelligence.

Some people are inherently more emotionally intelligent than others – they’re guided by intuition and empathy and, for them, charm can come more naturally. For those without natural charm, the good news is certain characteristic behaviours can be learned and, with a little practice, can become second nature too.

Intrigued as to what behaviours are projected by charming people? Read on!

Listen (Actively)

Listen, engage and interact during a conversation and remember the details for future conversations. Although recalling names can be difficult, especially in group situations, make an effort to ask and repeat a person’s name several times within the first few minutes of meeting them. People drop seemingly insignificant details into casual conversations; if you remember these details and bring them up at a later date, you’ll demonstrate that you were actually listening to the other person.


Be pleased to meet other people. Smile and maintain eye contact. Ask open questions and listen to responses. People who present a natural smile are naturally more affable, and can make a person feel instantly comfortable; particularly in new or stressful situations such as dating.

Ask Questions

You want to know about this person as a unique human being so tailor your questions accordingly. Pertinent, detailed questions demonstrate that you are listening and engaged with what they have to say. Use the answers to ask more questions and to keep the conversation going.

Be Vulnerable

Show vulnerability as way of easing conversation and making people feel more comfortable. People can be intimidated by overt and showy demonstrations of personality, particular if they are somewhat introverted. Don’t be afraid to reveal your human side; openly discuss faux pas or flaws that make others feel more at ease in your company.

Share Information

Be warm and friendly; treat everyone with respect – whether the person is a CEO or a waiter at a cafe. Approach situations with an assumed familiarity. Introduce yourself quickly, without allowing for undue awkwardness to creep in. Treat others like friends from the beginning of an interaction. Share information in order to add to a conversation but not to steer it towards yourself. Offer genuine insights and personal details in order to establish a connection with others and to develop a rapport.

Energy Match

Match the energy of a situation and then work to elevate it. Try to read a room and choose an appropriate emotional state in response. Get excited when others are excited and show sympathy when others are upset.

Agree Before You Disagree

Look for points of agreement in conversations; however do not agree just for the sake of it. Instead, find points of agreement and then lightly offer an alternative view (if you have one), preferably in the form of another question. Cultivate discussion without antagonising a debate.

Practice makes Perfect

Think about your own behaviours – you may be more charming than you think! Practice a few specific skills, like active listening, remembering details, paying compliments, maintaining eye contact and looking for agreement in conversations to develop your social and emotional intelligence. You’ll become more fluid and responsive the more you practice. Instead of ‘turning it on’, your charm will become intuitive for your next date!