Christmas can be a lonely time for singles, but it can also be an opportunity to prepare yourself for a personal relationship. It can be at time where you can give yourself the gift of greater self-awareness for the next year. If you are serious about looking for a soul mate but have yet to find him or her, then take some time over the holidays to really put yourself in a great position achieve success in finding someone next year.
Here are seven tips that you can use to get yourself into the right frame of mind to not just improve your chances to meet someone, but also to actually increase your attractiveness.
1. Do some self assessment.
It can be hard to critically appraise yourself, but it can pay huge dividends if you do. Simply write down who you think you are now and who you would like to be. Outline the characteristics and traits you would like to develop or build upon. By all means ask trusted friends or colleagues what they think, but be careful not to be put off by characteristics or aspects of your personality that surprise or disappoint you. Take them all on board and then focus on both the positive and the negative aspects. Having self awareness after a self assessment, provided you spend time really focusing upon them, will help you become the person you would like to be.
I am often asked about how to ‘work’ on yourself – whether its about developing social skills, dressing better, having more confidence or other issues – and it varies hugely. The key is to identify the ‘work’ you believe is necessary and then developing an action plan to focus on making those changes.
2. Take action.
Once you have your list, make sure you put use it. Read it, remember it and take action. If you believe you should socialise more, then make sure you join a club or group. If you need to develop more confidence, think about what is making you less confident. Is it general knowledge, lack of self belief or some other factor. Identify it and then work to eradicate the problem or develop the skill you believe you need. I have seen people who have very low self esteem who can do something as simple as buy new clothes, get a haircut, undertake a course, learn an instrument or language and other, very simple changes that will help radically alter both their own view about themselves and more importantly the view others have of them.
I’m not talking about personality changes or anything like that. I’m saying you need to know yourself and develop and enhance the best aspects of who and what you are. Remember too, a great many people simply miss opportunities to develop successful relationships because they don’t take action.
3. Use a relationship mentor.
It may seem hard to believe, but just as we need mentors in other aspects of our lives we can also use a relationship mentor to assist in bringing out the best in ourselves. Find a person who you know, like and trust to talk to about yourself and simply ask them to help in your self improvement programme. A good friend or confidante will respect you for that and actually enjoy helping.
4. Be positive.
It goes without saying that being positive is itself an attractive feature of anyone’s personality. Too many people seeking relationships have negative views of themselves, their lives, the world. Don’t do it. It’s a killer and it comes out in a variety of ways, from the way you look to the way you speak and behave.
You need to put yourself in a positive frame of mind and I suggest before going out for a date spend a few minutes reflecting on yourself, your desired outcome, the sort of image you project. It’s like putting a boat to sea: you need to make sure you are prepared for both rough and smooth conditions and ensure you’re ‘shipshape.’ It’s easily done and its going to make you come across as a much more attractive individual.
5. Be available.
It always surprises me how many people turn down potentially successful matches because they’re too busy and too intent on placing achievements ahead of their own happiness. Make sure you actually prepare yourself for time to meet new people and make new friends. Getting to know someone can be a time consuming process, but the rewards pay off for a lifetime and you need to put aside the ‘too-busy’ excuse and make yourself available for new opportunities.
6. Be honest.
Make sure that you are putting not just your best foot forward, but also your true face. It is too common for people trying to impress a potential partner to embellish truth or – much worse – outright lie. Just make sure you are not fooling both yourself and your potential partner, because that is one way the relationship will end in tears.
7. Park the baggage.
We all have a past of some description or another and frequently there will be failed relationships, deceased partners and the like. You have to deal with that in a way that doesn’t jeopardise a new relationship.
There is no way or need to rid yourself of what has happened and you will frequently not want to do so at all, but to develop a new relationship you need to ‘park’ your emotions regarding past relationships and related issues so that you can focus upon what ‘might be’ and give it the oxygen to succeed.
Finally, (and I know there are only 7 steps here that I have suggested), but one other word of advice: don’t be hard on yourself. Being overly critical (despite the comments about self assessment) can lead to despair and negative behaviour. You’re doing this to make life better for you, not worse. You deserve a happy relationships and a good life. Give yourself the best opportunity by recognising your good points and rewarding yourself. It’s Christmas, so give yourself something you deserve – and something that will make you better. Maybe it’s a gym membership? A cooking or wine course? A trip somewhere? Reward yourself for being who you are. And by doing so you’re putting yourself in the right space for attracting the right person.
-Written by Rosie Bowie
Rosie Bowie is a professional matchmaker, she has been helping people to find long term relationships for the past 12 years.