Sending the perfect follow-up message

Sending the perfect follow-up message


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A friend of mine recently went on a great date. At first, my friend mused over the pleasant memories, happy with the way it had turned out. But the days stretched out and my friend didn’t hear anything, and worry set in. All the good signs were there. There was a real hug, a goodnight kiss, they’d laughed at each other’s jokes. They’d had fun! Why the silence? What happened? What went wrong?!

Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a common occurrence! Sometimes the time between the goodbye kiss to the next text can be lengthy. The temptation can be to analyse the silence until it becomes ominous. You can spin the situation into a crisis, which is understandable, but not at all helpful. Here’s the Do’s and Don’ts of how to deal with the situation.

Do: Stay Calm.

Try not to overreact. Even if a date went great, there are so many reasons why someone might not be communicating with you, and not all of them are anything to worry about. Maybe they’ve been a little under the weather or busy at work; maybe some family issue has come up. Worrying about it will not produce an answer to this dilemma.

Don’t: Feel Bad About Making the First Move

If you feel a date went really well and would like to go on another, don’t hold out on contacting them. Rules about waiting before you contact someone, or waiting until the other person texts you first are tossed around a lot. But you know what? There are no real hard and fast rules. Obey your instincts. Don’t play games; contact someone if you would like to speak to them.

Do: Respect Boundaries

Even if the date was the best of your life, this is a new relationship. Respect this fact by allowing your date a little space. If they haven’t returned contact yet, resist the temptation to rush things. It’s completely understandable if you have looked up their social media accounts, but if adding each other didn’t come up in conversation, it’s not a good idea to add or follow just yet.

Don’t: Overwhelm Your Date

If you do decide to send a message to your date, keep it light. Mention something you laughed about together, or how delicious that coffee was. Be friendly and direct, and once you press send, relax. It’s not a good idea to send a second message immediately afterwards if you don’t hear within ten minutes, or to call back immediately after leaving a voicemail. It’s also really not a good idea to pick up that phone drunk.

Do: Be Understanding

Dating can be fraught with anxiety, and everyone has a past they’re trying to feel their way through and a future they’re hoping for. Maybe your date has been recently hurt or is new to the dating scene and is feeling uncertain. Take it slow and don’t sweat the timeline. If you’re feeling worried, it’s likely your date is feeling the same.

The worst case scenario here is that the silence does mean they aren’t interested, and they don’t message you back or agree to the next date. This might feel awful and you might wonder how on earth you got it so wrong. Try not to focus on that too much; maybe you got lost in the euphoria of a first date and got the signals wrong, maybe they simply changed their mind. No matter what happened between you it’s over, and as much as it’s difficult to deal with rejection, you can dust yourself off and move on now. Don’t worry too much; the next great date is in your future.