Posted by John Aiken, 22 July 2015: Imagine this. You’ve spent the last 2 weeks flirting online with a potential love interest and you both agree to meet. You’re living in Wellington and you suggest to catch-up for a Saturday coffee down at Oriental Bay. You get there early and wait for him to arrive. Then you see him and looks great. He comes over, sits down, and you start talking. Within 5 minutes, he starts to tell you about how he used to do the brunch thing a lot with his ‘ex’ – and that they still meet up regularly, she still socialises with his friends, and he’s helping her to move flats next weekend!
When you want to make a good first impression, there are certain things you do and don’t want to say on your first date. Going on about your ‘ex’ and how wonderful they are is a total passion killer and one to be avoided at all costs.
Here are 20 other things to avoid talking about or saying on a first date:
1) Sexual preferences or fantasies.
2) Put downs or criticisms about your date.
3) How much money you make.
4) How many sexual partners you’ve had.
5) How hot the waiter or waitress is.
6) How unfair your life is.
7) Rude comments directed at people around you, such as a taxi driver or waiter.
8) How much you know about everything – in a competitive way.
9) Advice for your date about what you believe they need to do with their life.
10) Any legal problems you may be experiencing.
11) Any difficult or traumatic childhood experiences.
12) Any fears you may have about commitment.
13) Secret skeletons in your closet.
14) Cheesy one-liners.
15) Any history of alcohol or drug issues.
16) Pressuring to meet their friends and family immediately.
17) Organising an immediate follow up date for tomorrow.
18) Swear words.
19) Telling them what you think about having kids
20) Expecting them to pay in full for the meal or drinks that you are having together.
Instead of ruining your chances of happily ever after with these conversation killers – take a safer approach. Ask open-ended questions, let them talk, validate their opinions (even if you don’t agree) and be respectful and polite. Compliment them, be positive about your life, laugh and show off your sense of humour, stay away from heated or controversial topics – and pay attention to what they’re saying!
There’ll be plenty of time to get into more heavy conversations much later on when you get to know each other better. For now – keep it light, casual and fun.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)