Posted by John Aiken, 9 September 2015: If you’re a single woman going online to meet a long term partner then you hope the guy you’ve just met wants the same thing as you – commitment. Specifically, you want him to have the same relationship expectations as you, and be happy to meet your friends, spend lots of time together, be sexually exclusive, and share future dreams together.
However a number of the guys you meet won’t want commitment and are only in it for the fun side of dating. They want a casual relationship with plenty of sex and no serious ties. The more time you spend with these types of guys, the less chance you have of finding someone special to settle down with.
So rather than wasting your time trying to change them or get them to commit, you’re much better off identifying them early on and walking the other way.
To help you along the way with this I thought I would highlight 7 types of guys that won’t commit.
1) The tell you out loud type
It’s amazing how many times I speak to women that say they’ve finally found their ideal guy, however there’s one problem – they’re not looking for anything serious. Other versions of this include “I’m not good at relationships”, “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now”, “I just want to keep things casual”, “I don’t know what I really want at the moment.” or “I’m not looking to settle down just yet.” That’s guy speak for “you’re not the one for me” and you need to listen to this and run the other way!
2) The broken/ damaged type
This is the guy that you meet who is in need of saving. He might have had a terrible upbringing, lost his job, gone bankrupt, has alcohol and drug issues, is still reeling from a messy divorce or been cheated on. He’ll tell you he’s not sure if he can commit, but he’s keen on you looking after him indefinitely and being his mother. This guy is draining, clingy, needy and exhausting to be around, and won’t ever step up and give you what you want.
3) The sex crazed type
It’s all about sex with this type of guy. He’ll talk about sex a lot, share his fantasies with you, focus on getting you into bed as fast as possible, and will have a history of one-night stands and short relationships. If you resist his advances, he’ll make you feel like you have a problem, that you’re not normal, and the relationship can’t last. He’s not interested in meeting your friends, discussing feelings or future plans, or spending quality time with you. And if the sex stops, or he gets bored, then he moves on to his next conquest.
4) The still attached type (married/ in a relationship)
It might seem like a no brainer, but many women find themselves going out with guys that are already attached! They’re usually still married or living with their partner and they’ll tell you they’re not happy and thinking of leaving. They’ll string you along telling you all the things you want to hear, but they never leave. The want to have their cake and eat it too. If you’re not careful, you can lose years of your single life hung up on a guy that’s still attached to someone else. So unless they’re completely single and free from their ex – keep well away.
5) The traveling type
This type of guy may be just traveling through on holiday, or he might make regular business stops in your city throughout the year. Whatever the case, he’s not a permanent fixture in your life. He has no intention of settling down and doesn’t want anything other than a brief physical encounter with you. It might be romantic and exciting, but it won’t ever give you long term.
6) The workaholic type
This type of guy can be very alluring – money, career, car, clothes, status and power. He might be able to sweep you off your feet with expensive gifts and take you to great restaurants and hotels, but that’s as far as it goes. When work calls you become an afterthought. You fit into his work schedule, and he is committed to this and not to a relationship. He’ll break promises, stand you up, work ‘til all hours of the morning and not see you for weeks on end. And when you want more of him, he’ll simply cut ties with you and go back to the office.
7) The party animal type
This guy craves the spotlight. He’s charismatic, charming and loves to party hard. He’s up for any social situation, he doesn’t value sleep and he’s happy to abuse his body with lots of substances. It’s all about going large, spending all his time with his mates and being the life of the party. No limits, no responsibility, no future plans. It’s all about here and now, and long term relationships don’t fit into his lifestyle.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)