Can one night stands hurt your chances at dating?

Can one night stands hurt your chances at dating?

Posted by John Aiken, 15 September 2015: One of the many temptations that confront singles out there in the dating scene is when to have sex. You might be someone who loves the chase and enjoys going home with a stranger and getting naked. It can be fun and very exciting for everyone involved.

On the other hand, you might be a single person who prefers to take a more cautious approach to dating. This sees you hold off on having sex with a new person, and instead, go on several dates over a number of weeks and get to know them first before moving things to the next level.

Now I’m certainly not going to judge you on what type of approach you decide to take to one-night stands. Each to their own. However it is important to stop and consider what you want out of the dating experience?

I would recommend you get very clear about this before you jump into bed with a stranger, because it will definitely have an impact on your dating chances.

For instance, if you’re a person who’s not interested in commitment and wants a casual dating experience with no strings attached – then one-night stands may well be what you’re looking for. This type of sexual behaviour sends a very strong message to other singles that you want fun with no long-term potential.

By contrast, if you’re a single person looking for a committed relationship then one-night stands will definitely hold you back. It screams the wrong message (e.g. ‘I want casual not serious’), and it will surround you with other singles who have the same mindset. As a result, it will ultimately sabotage your chance of happily ever after, and leave you feeling empty, lonely and unsatisfied.

So it all comes down to what you want out of dating.

If you a want casual connection, then one-night stands will work well for you. If you however you crave serious commitment, then steer clear of this approach, as it will only end in heartache and frustration.


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John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (