Posted by John Aiken, 21 October 2015: One of the most important things you can do when looking for your ideal partner? Work out exactly what you don’t want moving forward. Get clear about what to avoid – it prevents you from making the same old relationship mistakes and ending up heart broken.
Think about it. What type of person do you tend to go out with?
The wrong types can come in all shapes and sizes, and what you need to know is your relationship red flags to avoid. To help you on your way with this – here are 7 key warning signs that you must stay away from:
1 Already attached
It may sound crazy to have to say this, but many relationships occur with people who are already attached. Your partner might be married or have a boyfriend/ girlfriend, and you’re with them because they tell you they’re not happy and want to leave. Regardless of what they say, get your life back and don’t stay with this person. Make a rule – only ever go out with someone if they’re single and available. End of story.
2 Scared of commitment
Any partner who tells you that they’re not looking for anything serious, or wants to keep things casual, or isn’t good with commitment, needs to be taken at face value. If they’re telling you this – they mean it. Save yourself months or even years of wasted time and let them go. You need someone who wants to get serious with you.
3 Problem Ex
You want to keep clear of complicated relationships, and that means partners with problem ex’s. It’s not going to work if they still have lots to do with their previous partners – coffees, movies, texts, phone calls, Friday night catch-ups and ongoing financial commitments. If they can’t create strong boundaries with them – look for something less complicated.
4 Party animal
Going out and drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, and getting no sleep isn’t going to cut it for you. It’s time to be with someone who has a healthy approach to life and prioritises their overall health and well-being. If you’re with a party animal – time to look elsewhere.
5 Poor communicator
You want someone who can express their needs and listen to what you have to say. If the person you’re with has a tendency to put you down, interrupt and speak over you, be critical and defensive, and give you the cold shoulder for days on end – then it’s not going to work.
6 Toxic friends
You can learn a lot about a person from their social networks and if your new partner has toxic friends then you’re in trouble. Their friends need to celebrate you both rather than bring you down or get you into trouble. If they’re bad news – keep on moving.
To have a successful relationship you need to be with someone who can spend time with you and make you feel important. If your partner is all about career and spends most of their focus and time on work, then you’re in for endless years of disappointment. Instead, if you want to feel special, go after someone who has a positive work/life balance and isn’t married to their job.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)