Posted by John Aiken, 4 November 2015: For a number of you dating comes very easily. It’s an exciting process that allows you to meet all sorts of different singles and gives you an opportunity to flirt, date and fall in love. You’re motivated, upbeat and happy about being on board.
However for many singles, it can be a daunting process that’s full of ups and downs. It can have setbacks and disappointments that knock your confidence and make you doubt your ability to meet someone special. If you’re one of these people then you need to fall back on several key strategies to stay positive when searching for the one.
Use these tips and they should keep you upbeat during those difficult times:
1) Don’t take things personally
Dating is all about numbers. You’re in a process of elimination not rejection. You’re just sifting through the bad to get to the good. Trying on new shoes until you get to a pair that’s a perfect fit. If it’s not what you’re looking for or they don’t want to take things further, you simply move on to the next opportunity.
2) Be patient and selective
It’s important when you’re dating to make sure that you know exactly what you want and don’t want. To be clear what your deal-breakers are, and what you need from your ideal partner. Then stick to this. Take your time and say ‘yes’ to the right one rather than trying to make the wrong one work. This will take away any anxiety and urgency you might feel, and let you stay calm during the process.
3) Control your thoughts
It’s very easy to let your thoughts get away on you when you’re dating. Your self-critic can start to fill you full of negativity, uncertainty and fear – particularly after a dating disaster. To stop this from happening, use this question to reframe any negative dating experiences:
“What advice would I give my best friend if they had this dating setback?”
4) Remind yourself of your qualities
Ever single person brings a number of positive skills and talents to the table. You need to be clear about your strengths and what makes you such a great catch. Write down a list of your top 10 positive traits and qualities and keep it somewhere that you can read it morning and night.
5) Lean on your friends
When you’re in the dating game, you always need advice and support from your friends to keep you upbeat. They can help you through the disappointments and get you to see the big picture so you don’t’ end up doubting yourself.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)