Posted by John Aiken, 25 November 2015: At various stages during your relationship there will be moments when you have to step up and show commitment. You have to take a deep breath and dive in and show your partner that you’re keen and you want to be with them long-term. One of these moments involves moving in together.
For some of you, this is a natural stage that is seamless and happens relatively easily. For others, it’s a really big decision that requires plenty of thought and careful consideration.
If you’re the kind of person that is usually unsure about this decision, then here are 6 questions you need to consider before taking the plunge…
1. Are you in love?
One very important area that you need to pay attention to is how you feel about your partner. If you’re going to live together, then you really need to be in love with them. You want to feel excited about the future and be full of hopefulness, positivity and a sense of security.
2. Do you have the same relationship expectations?
You must be on the same page about what you want from your relationship before moving in. That means having open and honest discussions about issues like marriage, kids, property, handling finances, child care, parenting styles and career aspirations. If you’ve got any deal-breakers, get these out on the table as well – and be sure that there are no surprises going forward.
3. Are you good communicators?
You’re going to have arguments throughout your relationship, but it’s how you fight and how you recover that’s really important. You don’t want to move in together if there’s a lot of criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Instead, you want a communication style whereby you bring up issues softly, listen without fixing, be able to say sorry, have plenty of appreciation, compliments and praise, and side with each other when under stress.
4. Is your sex life great?
Sex and affection is a key element to a strong and intimate relationship. It’s a way to connect with each other, and creates a strong bond and sense of specialness. So if you’re not a good fit in the bedroom, if you don’t meet each other’s needs when it comes to affection, and you’ve got mismatched sex drives, then this could provide big problems if you move in together.
5. Can you trust them?
Don’t look to move in with your partner if they’re untrustworthy. If they are unreliable, secretive, deceitful, and if they lie to you or have betrayed you in the past, then you’re only going to be full of anxiety, insecurity, suspicion and jealousy when you move in together. You must totally trust them if you’re going to take this next step.
6. Do you get on with family and friends?
It’s ideal if you both get on with each other’s inner circle before taking the next step of moving in together. This is a big decision, and it becomes so much easier if you’ve got the complete support and love of family and friends. They can celebrate you both as well as support you through the ups and downs ahead.
John Aiken, FindSomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)