Published by John Aiken: It’s one of the most unsettling and traumatic experiences you can go through in an intimate relationship. That moment when you start to suspect that your partner may be having an affair.
If you’ve found yourself in this scenario, then you’ll find it difficult to think of anything else. You’ll become obsessed with finding out more details about a possible affair. You’ll engage in snooping behaviours (checking their phone, computer, clothing, receipts), look to interrogate your partner about their whereabouts, and read anything and everything you can about cheating.
However before you go confronting your partner with an avalanche of accusations, take a moment to consider the hard evidence. What are some of the tell-tale signs that your partner could be cheating?
- Change in personality
- Staying late at the office
- New sexual behaviour
- Secretive with phone/ computer
- Hard to contact
- Vague with answers
- Unusual ATM withdrawals
- New wardrobe
- Fixation with fitness/ appearance/ grooming
- Constantly picks fights with you
Now keep in mind that these are just signs. Having only one or two of them doesn’t mean your partner is getting hot and heavy with someone else. On the other hand, you should start to become more suspicious if your partner is displaying most of these red flags – and if they’ve been going on consistently for some time.
If that’s the case, then it’s worthwhile bringing up your concerns in a gentle way and seeing what comes out. Mention that you’re feeling scared and uncertain about the relationship, you’re not as close and connected as usual, and that you’ve even started to worry lately about infidelity. See what they say, and how they react. You may be right, or there may be something else that’s going on to explain the entire situation.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)