As a dating and relationship psychologist (and a guy), I have heard all sorts of dating horror stories over the past 20 years. So with this knowledge, I thought it would be helpful to outline some of the most common mistakes that I’ve seen over the years, that continue to keep single men frustrated, confused and alone.
Here are 10 of the most common dating mistakes that men need to avoid:
1) Running late
It’s such a simple thing to get right. When you set up a time and place to meet your date you need to get there on time. If you lack punctuality, it sends the wrong message that you’re disorganized and your date isn’t important to you.
2) Bad breath and poor grooming
Paying attention to your appearance is very important. First impressions count, so showing up in old clothes, with disheveled hair and bad breath is a saying you don’t value yourself or the person you’re dating.
3) Constant put downs
One of the quickest ways you can turn off a new date is to put them down or belittle them. Nobody likes to be criticized and told off by someone they’ve just met, so be careful how you talk to your partner. The more negative you are to them, the less chance you’ve got that they’re going to stick around.
4) Getting drunk and losing control:
You might like a drink or two to take the edge off when going out with a new date. But drinking excessive amounts and then losing control can be embarrassing and it will ruin any chance you have of a follow-up date.
5) Discussing your sexual fantasies
It’s simply too early on to be going there! Dating is about getting to know someone in a way that builds safety and trust. Bringing up your sexual fantasies early on can be creepy and will usually scare women away.
6) Being tight with money
How you handle money will tell your date about what’s to come in the relationship so tread carefully. If you’re really tight and frugal with spending, they’re going to feel controlled and turned off by your obsessiveness. Nobody likes a grinch!
7) Being rude to hospitality staff/ taxi drivers
How you treat the people around you on a date can be very telling. If you’re rude and patronizing to people like the wait staff or a taxi driver, then you’re telling your date that you lack general respect and compassion for others and you have a mean side to you.
8) Getting angry and intimidating
Dating is all about fun, excitement and building chemistry. If you’re getting angry towards your date and being intimidating with your language or invading their personal space, then they’re going to feel scared. There’s nothing more destructive to romance than anger.
9) Flirting and eyeing up other singles
I know it sounds strange, but many times I’ve heard about guys flirting with waitresses while on a first date! It’s disrespectful and shows a complete lack of control and understanding. Not only do you look bad in front of your date, but the person you’re flirting with will also think you’ve got no class!
10) Trying to have a one-night stand
If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then your dating approach needs to be patient and respectful. If you’re pushing hard to get them naked and take them to bed early on, it will simply backfire and they’ll move on to someone more serious about commitment.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)