As a relationship psychologist, I have seen have many single women struggle in the dating game due to making key mistakes that sabotage the whole process. Much of the time you can be totally unaware of the obstacles that you put up which hold you back. However, once these obstacles become clear, it will be much easier for you to change things up and have a better chance of meeting your ideal partner.
Here are 10 of the most common dating mistakes that women need to avoid:
1) Talking a lot about your ex
One of the quickest ways to turn off a potential love interest is to start discussing your ex. A guy doesn’t want to hear about your painful break-up, or worse still, that you’re still best friends and he’s always there for you through thick and thin. It’s makes having a relationship with you too complicated, and guys are likely to run the other way rather than try to compete with your past.
2) Constantly checking your phone
When you’re with a date you need to be present and attentive. Unfortunately, constantly checking your phone for messages, Facebook updates, twitter feeds and texts, takes you away from the here and now. It makes it difficult to connect with your date, and makes them feel frustrated, disappointed and under appreciated.
3) Chasing too much
I’m not one for playing games early on in a dating process. If you like someone it’s ok to make a move and follow this up. It shows that you’re interested and open to something. But you don’t want to be chasing a guy all the time and constantly waiting in limbo to hear back from him. The interest needs to be coming from both sides, and the effort needs to be equal.
4) Being too available
Guys like a woman who has her own life, separate friends, career goals and individual passions. They don’t want someone who’s going to give up on all of this to be available 24/7 to make a new relationship work. Guys don’t want to be the center of your world, they love independence. So stick to your plans and continue to live your life, and let the guy fit in around this.
5) Complaining about the dating game
It might seem like a good way to break the ice – discussing how depressing dating can be – but it’s a negative way to start things off. Once you begin going down that track, it’s very easy to talk about your frustrations, anxieties and hopelessness about finding love and this will bring the whole vibe down.
6) It’s all about me
Successful conversations require give and take. They need you to ask questions and listen to your new date, as well as share something about yourself. A quick way to ruin things is to spend the whole time talking about you. Not asking your date anything, but simply keeping the focus entirely on yourself. It’s boring, self-indulgent and lacks emotional IQ.
7) Talking yourself down
You might think that it’s endearing to put yourself down and appear modest and self-deprecating, but it’s not attractive. You want to make a good strong impression on your love interest, and show that you’re confident and assured. So any chance you get, take compliments, speak positively about yourself and be positive about your future.
8) Overanalysing things too much
It’s so easy to live inside your head when you’re out on a date. Worrying about what your love interest thinks of you – what you’re wearing, your conversation, the restaurant you chose, whether you’ll get a follow-up date and whether they find you attractive. This simply increases your stress levels and takes you out of being in the moment. So let go of the over thinking and start being more mindful and focusing on what’s in front of you.
9) Getting too intense too early
There’s nothing scarier for a guy than hearing about your intense feelings early on in the dating process. Or you telling him that you want to meet his friends and family immediately, or trying to lock down future holiday and travel plans. Slow down and let things evolve naturally. If this is meant to be, then all those things will happen in good time.
10) Putting too much pressure on
You don’t need to find Mr. Perfect when you’re going out early in the dating process. This only creates panic and results in bad judgments. Instead, your focus needs to be on having fun and getting to know your date. This will allow you to relax and enjoy the process, rather than put too much pressure on yourself and create neediness and desperation.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)