The single most important ingredient to successful dating is your level of confidence. How you feel about yourself is vital when it comes to meeting someone special. As the saying goes:
“You date at the level of your self-esteem’
So, confidence is crucial to attracting a positive, healthy love interest into your life. The quickest and most effective way to do this is to ‘act as if’. Put simply – do the things that confident people do in dating and watch exciting new changes occur.
Here are 7 ways you can immediately become more confident in dating:
1) Have an appearance make-over
Confident people look great. They know their look and style and they take the time to make a really good first impression. So overhaul your current look – clean out the wardrobe, get a new haircut and accessorize. Present yourself in a way that makes you feel confident, calm and full of presence.
2) Strike up conversation
Being confident means having the ability to strike up conversations and talk to new people. The easiest way to make someone feel at ease and get them talking is to ask them about themselves. So every opportunity you get, take an interest and ask questions. It shows you’re a good communicator and confident when it comes to mixing in social situations.
3) Be positive about yourself in public
Whenever you’re in a situation when you’re asked about your love life make sure you always respond positively. Make a point of being upbeat and hopeful when it comes to dating and finding someone special, and encourage your single friends to do the same thing. Positive, positive, positive!
4) Speak your mind
Whenever you meet someone new you’re going to learn about each other’s boundaries, likes and dislikes, wants and needs. Confident people will have no problems speaking up and drawing a line in the sand about what they want and don’t want. So be up front when it comes to areas like sex, handling money, meeting new friends and family, spending time together, and having time apart. When it doesn’t feel right – say no.
5) Know your relationship strengths
Take a moment to think about your strengths when it comes to relationships. What make you so good at them? Make a list of your top 5 strengths and remind yourself of these at all times. (e.g. kind, funny, open to new experiences, great lover, good with kids, open communicator, loyal and trustworthy etc).
6) Surround yourself with cheerleaders
You want to be inspired and celebrated by the people around, and go out with friends that are always in your corner and want the best for you. So when you’re out dating, choose to do this with people that have the same mindset as you, that encourage you and can pick you up whenever you have a challenge or setback.
7) Be optimistic
One of the biggest turn-offs in dating is when you hear someone constantly complain about issues and dramas in their life. You’re not going to fall into this trap. Instead – be optimistic about your life, outline your goals and dreams, and focus on the little victories that you have every day. It’s inspiring to be around people like this!
8) Be patient and don’t take things personally
Confident people are resilient. Dating is about having fun, being selective, meeting people and learning about what you’re really looking for in a long-term partner. It’s a numbers game and it will take time and energy to be successful. That means rolling with the ups and downs and not taking setbacks personally. You’re working though the bad to get to the good. Be patient and remind yourself that it’s a marathon not a sprint.
John Aiken, Findsomeone’s dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit TV 3 show Married At First Sight. He is a best selling author, appears regularly on TV, radio and in magazines, is a clinical psychologist and runs a private practice in Sydney, is a sought after speaker, and offers intensive couples retreats. (www.johnaiken.com.au)